Attachment Styles Unpacked and Tik-Tok Myths Debunked
You’re Not Your Attachment Style: How Understanding Your Patterns Can Help You Step Into Your Greatest Moments
At Greatest Moments Therapy, we believe every person has the capacity to grow, heal, and move toward the strongest, most connected version of themselves. But when you scroll through the internet, you might see a very different message—one that reduces people to labels, pathologizes normal behavior, or suggests your attachment style is a fixed identity you’ll carry forever.
Clinical practice and science tell a much more empowering story.
Let’s explore what research actually shows, and what it means for your ability to build secure, meaningful connections throughout your life.
Most People Aren’t “Disordered”—They’re Navigating Normal Human Stress
In the clinical world, personality disorders are rare. Extensive studies place their prevalence somewhere around 9–12%, and many specific disorders occur in only 1–2% of people. And crucially, these patterns must be long-term, inflexible, and present across many areas of life.
In reality, when people say things like:
- “I’m being so avoidant lately,”
- “I feel anxious in this relationship,”
- or “Something must be wrong with me,”
…they’re usually describing situational stress responses, not pathology.
Research in social-personality psychology has shown this for decades: human behavior shifts depending on the situation (Mischel, 1968; Funder & Ozer, 2019).
This flexibility isn’t a flaw.
It is a
strength—a sign that you can adapt, learn, and grow.
And that’s exactly where your greatest moments begin.
Most “Attachment Issues” Are Actually Adaptive Strategies
When you view your relational patterns through a strength-based lens, behaviors like stepping back, seeking reassurance, or overthinking aren’t signs of brokenness. They are strategies—your nervous system’s best attempts to help you stay connected or protected based on the environment you’re in.
For example:
- If someone is unpredictable, feeling anxious makes sense.
- If someone is intrusive or overwhelming, pulling back is understandable.
- If someone is steady and emotionally safe, feeling secure is natural.
These strategies aren’t who you are; they’re how you learned to stay safe.
And safety is a strength—even if the strategy needs updating now.
At Greatest Moments Therapy, we help you understand these strategies with compassion and sharpen them so they align with the relationships you want to build today.
The Myth of a Single, Fixed Attachment Style
One of the most empowering findings in attachment research is this:
You do not have one attachment style.
Although online trends often treat attachment styles as fixed personality traits, empirical research consistently shows that they’re much more nuanced and dynamic.
Attachment is relationship-specific.
Studies show that people often behave securely with one person and anxiously or avoidantly with another (Fraley et al., 2011).
Attachment is fluid.
Long-term research finds that attachment patterns shift over time and evolve with experience, support, and emotional safety (Waters et al., 2000; Simpson et al., 2007).
Conditions, not identity, trigger attachment behaviors.
They arise in moments of inconsistency, threat, uncertainty, or emotional distance—and settle when safety and reliability increase.
This means your attachment patterns are not fixed labels.
They are relational signals—signals you can understand, nurture, and transform.
The Neurobiology of Attachment: Your Brain Is Wired for Change
Attachment lives not only in our psychology but in our neurobiology. Early relational experiences shape the brain’s developing stress-response and emotion regulation systems. Secure caregiving supports healthy connectivity between the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex.
But here’s the hopeful part:
The adult brain remains plastic.
Research shows that:
- Secure relationships reduce threat reactivity,
- Consistent care strengthens pathways for emotional regulation,
- trust and bonding increase oxytocin,
- And relational safety reshapes neurological patterns of connection.
Your nervous system is built to learn from new experiences.
It’s built to heal.
It’s built to grow.
Why This Matters: Your Greatest Moments Are Ahead of You
Understanding attachment through a research-based, strength-focused lens allows you to step away from labels and into empowerment.
You are not:
- stuck,
- broken,
- or defined by your past.
You are a person with adaptive strategies that once protected you—and now can be guided toward more profound connection and authenticity.
And if you’d like support understanding your attachment patterns—and how they interact with the attachment styles of the people who matter most—our therapists at Greatest Moments Therapy are here to walk with you through that meaningful exploration.
Together, we can help you move toward secure connection, strong boundaries, and your most aligned, empowered relationships yet.
The Takeaway
Here’s what the science—and a strength-based perspective—tells us:
- Personality disorders are rare; most people are simply navigating understandable human reactions.
- Your behavior is contextual, not fixed.
- Attachment is fluid, relational, and responsive to change.
- Your brain is wired for growth and healing.
- Your patterns reflect resilience, not flaw.
You are not your attachment style. You are a person with an enormous capacity for connection, resilience, and growth.
And your most significant moments are still ahead. Reach out to find more at
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