When Autistic “Masking” Gets Mistaken for Narcissistic “Masks”

From our neurodiversity-affirming practice

Over the past decade and a half, research has made it increasingly clear why Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is often confused with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Although certain behaviors may appear similar on the surface, the reasons behind them are fundamentally different. NPD and ASD can look similar from the outside because, in both, people may use protective or defensive patterns that make their behavior seem self-focused, volatile, or hard to read. 

In autism, these patterns often take the form of masking, shutdowns, or meltdowns, especially under chronic stress and burnout.

 In NPD, they reflect personality-based strategies to protect self-esteem and manage shame. 

To outsiders, both can feel unpredictable, hard to relate to, and, at times, even unsafe, despite their underlying mechanisms being very different. 

Across studies of both ASD and NPD (and more broadly of emotion dysregulation and interpersonal problems), people on the receiving end often report:

• Unpredictability of emotional reactions
  
  
• Feeling the relationship is one-sided or hard to read.
  
  
• Discomfort or relational insecurity
  
  
• Sometimes, feeling unsafe in the face of intense anger, shutdowns, or explosive behavior.
  
  

For autistic meltdowns and dysregulation:

• Care-takers, family, and partners often describe meltdowns as frightening, confusing, and unpredictable, especially if they don’t understand the underlying sensory/overload basis.
  
  

For NPD patterns:

• Partners, coworkers, and family frequently report walking on eggshells, not knowing when they’ll be idealized or devalued, and feeling emotionally or sometimes physically unsafe.

Below are the traits most commonly misinterpreted, along with what contemporary research shows about their actual origins.

1. “Limited empathy”

Autistic individuals often have differences in cognitive empathy (the ability to interpret others’ thoughts or feelings on the spot). Still, emotional empathy—genuine concern once they understand the situation—is usually intact or heightened.

How others may experience it:

They may feel ignored, emotionally unseen, or as though their feelings don’t matter, even though the person with autism missed subtle cues.
In NPD, empathy is inconsistent or selectively absent due to self-esteem regulation needs, not processing differences.

2. Flat or inconsistent facial expressions

Autistic facial expressivity may not match internal emotional experience due to neurological differences. This can look like indifference even when the individual feels deeply.

How others may experience it:

They may assume disinterest, detachment, or emotional distance.
In NPD, emotional expressiveness may be intentionally controlled for impression management.

3. Difficulty with perspective-taking

ASD differences in social cognition can make spontaneous perspective-taking challenging. This is often mistaken for self-centeredness.

How others may experience it:

They may feel unsupported or believe the autistic person is self-focused.

In NPD, reduced perspective-taking tends to be selective, often shaped by ego needs.

4. Direct, blunt, or overly honest communication

ASD communication often prioritizes clarity, accuracy, and literal meaning. This can be misread as arrogance or rudeness.

How others may experience it:
Comments may feel harsh, critical, or superior even when no harm is intended.

In NPD, bluntness may serve to assert superiority or dominance.

5. “Transactional” relationships

Individuals with ASD may rely on clear expectations, predictable routines, and explicit communication to reduce social uncertainty. These needs can be misinterpreted as cold or transactional.

How others may experience it:

They may feel that emotional connection is missing or that interactions are too structured.
In NPD, relationships are based on utility, status, or admiration.

6. Arguing “to be right”

For individuals with ASD, strong emphasis on logic, accuracy, and fairness can lead to intense debate. The motivation is correctness, not control.

How others may experience it:

Disagreements can feel invalidating or as though the autistic person values being right over being relational.
Individuals with NPD may argue to protect their self-image or maintain dominance.

7. Talking at length about special interests

People with ASD may speak extensively and enthusiastically about topics they care about, sometimes missing social cues. This can be wrongly interpreted as self-absorption.
How others may experience it:

They may feel talked over, unimportant, or disconnected from the conversation.

 In NPD, dominating conversation tends to serve self-promotion.

8. Social withdrawal

Individuals with ASD may withdraw due to sensory overwhelm, fatigue, or a genuine preference for solitude.
How others may experience it:

They may interpret this as rejection, aloofness, or superiority.

In NPD, withdrawal may occur when admiration is unavailable.

9. Rigid thinking or difficulty compromising

ASD-related rigidity often reflects differences in executive functioning and a need for predictability.
How others may experience it:

They may perceive stubbornness, controlling behavior, or unwillingness to meet halfway.

In NPD, rigidity may be driven by entitlement or a need for control.

10. Meltdowns misinterpreted as “violent outbursts”

Autistic meltdowns are involuntary neurological responses to overload, not attempts to intimidate or dominate.

How others may experience it:

People may feel shocked or frightened by the intensity or believe the reaction was directed at them personally.

In NPD, explosive reactions often follow perceived criticism or a threat to self-image.

11. “Lack of remorse”

Autistic remorse may be expressed atypically or delayed due to difficulty recognizing social cues. Once aware of the impact, many experience intense guilt or concern.

How others may experience it:

They may feel dismissed, unimportant, or as though their pain is unnoticed.

In NPD, remorse may be limited or insincere, depending on how the situation affects self-image.

12. Rapid return to special interests after conflict

Autistic individuals often use focused interests to regulate their emotions. They may sincerely apologize, disengage, and return to a calming activity—not because they don’t care, but because the activity helps restore equilibrium.

How others may experience it:

They may feel the autistic person “moved on too quickly” or didn’t care about the disagreement.

In NPD, quick disengagement may be an avoidance of accountability.

13. Social naïveté mistaken for manipulativeness

Autistic individuals may unintentionally break social norms or make statements that appear calculated when they are actually following logic rather than social strategy.

How others may experience it:

They may feel used or misled, even though the autistic person had no strategic intent.

In NPD, manipulative behavior is usually intentional and self-serving.

Why are these behaviors misinterpreted as narcissistic?

Although these behaviors can look similar on the surface, research shows that the motivations differ:

In ASD, the Behaviors are driven by:

• Sensory or emotional overload
  
  
• difficulty reading social cues
  
  
• Need for predictability
  
  
• rule-based reasoning
  
  
• trauma from chronic misunderstanding
  
  
• attempts to reduce confusion
  
  
• Neurological differences in communication
  
  

In NPD, the Behaviors are driven by:

• protecting self-esteem
  
  
• maintaining superiority
  
  
• controlling relational dynamics
  
  
• seeking admiration
  
  
• defending against perceived shame
  
  

How it feels externally?

Because the behaviors overlap superficially, receiving individuals may feel:

• unheard
  
  
• invalidated
  
  
• dismissed
  
  
• overwhelmed
  
  
• excluded
  
  
• criticized
  
  
• emotionally disconnected
  
  

— even though the person’s intention is rarely to harm, control, or elevate themselves.

Why the distinction matters

Misinterpreting autistic traits as narcissism leads to stigma, damaged relationships, and misdiagnosis. Understanding the difference allows for more accurate assessment, more compassionate communication, and far better support for neurodivergent individuals.

Our practice is committed to recognizing the underlying differences, not just the outward similarities, and providing assessments and support that honor the lived experiences of neurodivergent individuals.

If you or someone you care about has been mislabeled or misunderstood, and you suspect autism may be part of the picture, you deserve clarity, respect, and an informed evaluation. Reach out to Dr. Ida Jeltova